Well, as I type this tonight, I want to start with a prayer request. Olivia is always non-stop so we rarely think about her heart condition. She is so active, big personality, and on the go and we just look and think about her as a healthy child. Well, today I am forced to remember that God knit her together a little differently. She isn't just a healthy child with a normal body. She is unique. Unique is good and unique can also be scary. When Olivia runs (as usual) she always gets more winded than the other children - we are used to that. After a bath - her hands and feet turn blue - we got that! When she gets winded - she coughs - again, got that. When she coughs - she often will throw up - been doing that one since day 1 - no problem. But today she has me a little worried. We went to gymnastics as usual and before the warm up was even over (and we are talking 4 and 5 year old warm up - not P90X) - she was completely out of breath. She looked like she had been at it for 45 minutes! I haven't seen her quite that bad before. My dad came to watch her at gymnastics today and that reminded him to say he had noticed her increase short of breath and coughing lately. She isn't sick so within seconds - as any anxiety filled mom - I'm instantly worried something is wrong with her heart. Tonight - it has only gotten worse and I found myself with my face to the floor asking God to heal my sweet baby and make everything okay. I asked him to help me help her if something is wrong. Likely - it is nothing - maybe a viral infection. But b/c she also has severe reflux - I can't tell if it's a wet cough and I automatically worry about fluid in her lungs. Remember - she has no spleen so there are certain things that are VERY dangerous for her and fluid in the lungs ranks right on up there. So, I pray that I worry for nothing. I pray that if it is something - that we find out immediately. I am calling the pediatrician and cardiologist first thing in the morning. Like I said, likely nothing! But I just can't make myself comfortable thinking that - I need to KNOW that! She is getting to the age where she gets self conscious of her throwing up - sometimes even holding her hand up to try and keep it in. It completely breaks my heart and we tell her just to get it out of there. If others ask why she throws up - we have told her to tell them, "Its just how God made me." So anyway - I've gone on about my worries now for a LONG paragraph and again - it's probably nothing. :) If I just keep saying it - it will be so right :) This all makes me think about our sweet AnaLei also. How severe is she? They note she already has severe pulmonary hypertension. So, does she walk around out of breath all the time? Is she cared for and loved and helped? Oh how I pray God is preparing her sweet heart for us. I know the day we meet will be a wonderful day for me and the scariest day ever for her. Adoption is beautiful and wonderful, but it has another heart wrenching side! I pray for her. I pray that despite what our doctors say - that she will be operable (though I don't look forward to the operation) but oh how I pray she is able to have what she needs. And I know what she needs is a heart surgery or 3.
Well, I think it's time to move onto the praise!! One of the things with the adoption I have been most worried about is this fingerprint appointment. Its the last big thing that we have to do on the US side of things before our dossier goes to China. (The dossier is the massive stack of paper people spend 6 months gathering - medicals, home study, police checks, background checks, child abuse checks in every state you've ever lived in, state fingerprints, federal biometric fingerprints, you name it - we've done it - which is why BTW adoptions run up into the $30,000 range - it's craziness!) They send you an appointment letter with an appointment. Well, I know that appointment will not be until mid to late February and my mom leaves for my sisters in Alaska on the 11th, not to mention my baby is critically ill and needs to come home today!! So, I drove to the USCIS field office in Memphis and to prepare for our "walk in" next week once we receive the letter. She tells me there are NO Walk ins anymore! As I begin to cry, possibly like a toddler, she agrees to go ask the person. I give her our doctors letters, her list of diagnoses and she comes out - gives me a hug - tells me to stop crying and they will let us walk in. Glory be to our Great God!! I was speechless and just cried harder (was that even possible?!?!) I think I embarrassed myself sufficiently b/c even the guard at the front hugged me before I left :) I ran to my car (just kidding - it's really a minivan now - I just say car to sound cool) and jumped for joy at the great news. Now - just to get the USCIS to expedite our prints to approval and then bam - time to get this dossier off to China before the 2 week Chinese New Year Holiday where the entire government shuts down the last 2 weeks of February.
So, there you have it. A praise and a prayer request just like my title said :)
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